Thoughts on no thoughts...

So. I've been working on getting closer to that "quiet mind." Purely practical reasons; so I can go to sleep. Secondary reason; trying to get my diastolic down, supposedly because the heart needs to "rest."

So far, the difference between me trying to do it myself, and with "aid" is about 15 points of mercury. Or more. It's pretty dramatic.

But I had a lunch with a friend, and somehow the conversation strayed to the bottle. Specifically, how my consumption has increased from getting through a bottle over years, to nearly a bottle/month. And she gave me this look. Not an angry, or sympathetic, or sorry, or... I don't know. The look in her eyes said that I really need to address this.

To be sure, I have had more than a few very close friends try to steer me away from this "solution." They've been very polite, not trying to force it. Yes, they are all aware of my history. But this was the first time that I noticed a look like this.

I guess I should be looking for other means. Substitute, compliment, find a way to toss the crutch. Whatever. New year's resolution? No. How to set myself up for failure.

But. Working on it. Breathe. Relax. Clear the mind. I can get that far. Then other things intrude. I am a "stream of consciousness"type, so a stray thought leads to another stray thought, then chaos, and I am freaking out. I should be a writer, the thoughts that stray into my head would make a pretty wildly disjointed storyline.

Except all thoughts invariably lead back to what has been tapped, in the interim, as a cause of my frustrations. Maybe I do need a psychologist after all.

Open Letter to the 2013 U.S. Congress

To the Honorable Persons in the 2013 Congress of the United State of America,

I, as a citizen, constituent and taxpayer, understand that we, the People, need to do our part to stabilize the economy and the Federal budget. We, the People, need to go out and spend to get money moving in the system. We need to pay our share of the tax burden. We need to pay our fees. We all need to do our part. Understood.

I, as a former member of the active duty military, also understand the concept of needing that standing uniformed service, that it is not something you can just buy off the shelf when you need it. So that cannot be slashed without repercussions on the international stage.

However, in return, we the People, expect certain things of our elected officials, including minding the general welfare of the citizens of this country. Not only to those that payed to get you into office, but also those that voted. Which I believe should carry considerably more weight.

So. When you go to consider cuts in benefits that we, the working citizenship, have been paying into, how about you go and cut your own benefits accordingly? How about you actually pay into those "for life" benefits programs that you voted for yourselves? When you are stumping to downsize the Executive Branch of the Federal Government, how about downsizing the Congressional Budget by the same percentage? Lead by example, lead from the front. For the "Bible-thumper" crowd, "do unto others." Eat your own fodder. Seems fair, right?

Tie your welfare to the welfare of the People, the mean or the median, your choice. When the People do well, you should do well, too. When the People are suffering, you should suffer, too. As things stand, you feel no pain, you have no skin in the game. Well, your game is to get re-elected. When your constituency is getting reamed, and you're sitting up there, fat and happy, blowing hot air, your next election could be your last. Just saying.

Represent the People. And don't forget your humanity. If we, the People, eat it, so should you.

Thank you.

Signed, Todd Maeda. Citizen of the United States of America.

2013, A New Year

Yeah. A new year. New beginnings. A mid-term "reset" button.

Not quite. But I do have to get myself adjusted. I do know the next few years will be filled with some pretty amazing things. Small steps, large steps, some very happy, some not comfortable at all. But as long as I can keep moving it forward, it will be progress.

So, I will hit the "reset" button on the attitude. Keeping it real, I will probably bounce off the bottom a few times. But if I can keep my head above water, I should survive the year. Maybe even successfully navigate the currents.

Holy crap, that was a lot of clichés...

Well, anyway. I know that I need to replace my portable computer; that is a potential point of change, as I am no longer married to Microsoft, thanks to some decisions made at work. I think I'll just do what I do best. Eat. At some point, I will get back in the saddle with my photography. Center. Reevaluate. Refocus. Move forward.

Have a great 2013, folks. I will try not to fumble mine.

Help a loving husband out...

The wonderful husband of this awesome Oahu, Hawaii-based portrait photographer is raising awareness of his wife's Facebook business page. How about we give him a hand? If you are a Facebook user, go over to her page page on Facebook, and consider a "Like" for her page.

• Nikki Jennifer Photography 

Even if you are not a Facebook user, you can find her:

• Nikki Jennifer Photography on the Web
• Nikki Jennifer Photography on Google+

Thank you for your consideration. Happy Holidays!

A Day of Thanks...

Another year, another day of thanks. After all this time, it would be easy to think of something new to be thankful for. But no one ever said it had to be new...

I am thankful for the family I have.

I am thankful for having real friends.

I am thankful that I still have a mind to think with, and the opportunity to use it.

I am thankful for my health. Yeah.

I am thankful that I still have a job.

I am thankful that this nation has survived another divisive national election, and hasn't torn itself apart over petty things like politics. Yet.
I am thankful that there are people that are still passionate about their country, regardless of how different their beliefs or reasons are.

I am thankful that I have the opportunity to express this in a manner that will hopefully reach people's hearts.

I am thankful that I have the opportunity to make a difference.

Have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving, America. And have pity on the turkeys; make it quick.

Another leap

Leap of faith. Gonna try and do a digital download/upgrade of my desktop to Win8Pro from Win7Pro. As a technologist, it's something I need to do, if only to speak from experience, good or bad.

I am backed up. I do have a notebook on Win7, so it's not quite a blind leap. *deep breath* See y'all on the other end.

And "Temple of Syrinx" popped into my head, haha. Praying to the wrong gods...

---

Update: Upgrade finished. About 2.5 hours, for my stuff, which included migrating files, settings and applications. Not bad, if anxious.

This will take some getting used to. Just about all the applications I have are considered "legacy" to Windows 8, so it keeps hopping over to the what is now "classic" Windows 7 desktop. Rather annoying. And that whole Tiles thing? That's the Start menu taking up your whole screen. I still need to find out how to reach my Programs listings, since there is no longer a flyout menu system.

For those that are stuck in the Windows XP (or earlier) world, this transition is going to hurt bad. If you were considering a platform move, to OSX or some Linux distro, now would be a good time. It's that different from XP, like "falling off a cliff" different.

A leap. And some help.

I seem to have lost my senses. Or what little sense I had left. I know I've wanted to move more into film. I also knew that, although less expensive, and lighter, and easier to deal with in general, 35mm film would only take me so far in my "seeing."

To that end, I picked up a 645. A used Mamiya AF, in this case. I can't afford Hasselblad, where I am not sure where I am going to be with MF film thing. Went looking for a Contax, but they seem to be hard to get; something about some famous photographer using it. Oh, and Ken Rockwell mentioned it was his preferred of the 645s, so I guess that makes it gold. So I "settled" on this. But Mamiya is no slouch.

The metering is iffy, literally. The only thing I see on the viewfinder display is the focus indicator. But I had planned to use a handheld meter, anyway, so not an issue. The focusing is slow. And NOISY!!! Sounds like a tank turret coming around to bring its weapon to bear on a squirrel.

 

The important thing here is AF; I have a Mamiya C330 TLR. Works pretty well, even in the hands of a klutz like me. But it's manual focus. Manual focus. In the hands of an old, blind guy. Even with the split-prism, spend too long focusing; the subject falls asleep. But the focus is quiet, and then you trip the shutter...ka-CHUNK! Hehe...

I know. Gear shouldn't matter. But I seem to be stuck. Not only on my butt, but also in my head. I "see" things the same way. Yes, more crutches. I is broken.

So. The thought is, get something that, in MY head, is purpose-built for, say, portrait work. (I know, you can use it for nature/landscape, too! Just don't tell that to my head; it's a S.E.C.R.E.T.). Maybe I'll start to "see" like a portrait photographer. Yeah, keep saying that, haha.

Adventures in camera-owning... onward.

Thoughts...

...to the folks on the East Coast of the U.S., residents and visitors alike. Thoughts to those whose lives have been torn by deaths as a result of this storm. See you all safely on the other end.

Having dodged an albeit small bullet in the Pacific, awareness is heightened. Be safe, all.

Went to a birthday party

A very dear friend's son celebrated his 6th birthday with an all-day picnic. Lovely time. I'm happily exhausted.

It was at a beach park. Got there early enough to greet the sun. Only had a smartphone, so that is what I used. Without eyeballs, so the images were not up to par. But it was pretty amazing to watch, and a reminder of some rather important things. Appreciate what you have, and what is there.

Not right

Tired. But worked up. Body is dozing off, but the mind is racing. Chest hurts, like it's been working extra hard. Odd that I haven't felt the pounding. Have not seen the tunneling effect, but there is the tingle. Hmm, wonder if I missed a dose.

Felt like this before, but not as intense as before. I guess that's a good thing.

I should dose myself down and just wake up "whenevers," but I have a super-early wakeup scheduled. It's a special thing. Assuming I survive the day, I will certainly be toast. I hope.